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The What If Experience

Explore a new "What If..." question about life each week with some thoughts, some answers and some action steps. Share my journey of personal growth and living in possibility.
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Feb 5, 2017

Why are we so afraid of broken things?

I've been thinking about this question from Ann Voskamp's new book for the last few weeks, since I first read it. The official dictionary definition of "broken" is, "having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order."

In our culture we throw away broken things. They're no longer useful. They're replaced as quickly as possible by something new. If we can't replace the broken thing for financial reasons, we feel we're "making do" by repairing it, because the better solution was to have something new that's never been broken.

We should re-think that attitude.

Kintsugi

There are two historical approaches to mending in the Japanese culture that fascinate me. One is a method of mending ceramics and one of cloth. Two materials near and dear to my heart.

Kintsugi is a traditional method of repairing ceramics performed with lacquer that's dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The result is a repair that is not only visible and beautiful, but adds value.

It's a golden scar.

A healed wound.

It's a philosophy of celebrating the breakage and repair as part of the history of an object. Not something to be hidden, repaired as "good as new" or disguised. The event and the repair make the item more interesting and more beautiful than the original piece.

Do you understand what a profound shift in perspective that is?

I spoke with someone the other day about the power of reframing our life goal to be learning rather than success and how that redefines failure as a pathway, not an end point. The failure actually becomes a success, because all failure can lead to learning. If learning is the goal, then it's been obtained by the failure. This isn't just playing around with words, it can make a big difference in how you respond to life events.

This philosophy surrounding breakage is just as fundamental a shift.

What if you looked at breakage as being part of a narrative? A point in history. A moment in a timeline that requires change, but results in a more beautiful thing?

Do you understand I'm no longer talking just about ceramics?

We all have events that cause us to experience breakage in life. Experiences where we are knocked about. Chipped. We lose a handle. Or shatter into big chunks. Or a million small pieces. We view ourselves as damaged goods. We view others that way too. We see the broken places in both others and ourselves and we apply labels and judgments.

Why are we so afraid of broken things?

Because it reminds us in a very fundamental way that we are all broken. We're imperfect. We are both chipped around the edges and cracked to the core. We can't escape wear and tear as we experience life. It's an intrinsic part of the process.

But, what if we view those broken places not as something to be ignored, disguised and hidden? Not as an indictment of uselessness. But, instead, as something to be claimed as part of our narrative? Part of our story? Necessary and perhaps even beautiful as a means of creating who you are today? We treat the broken places as things to hide, to be locked away where others won't see and we can forget they're there, at least for a few moments when we're in public. Kintsugi says they're milestones in a life. That they're to be honored as such.

Transformation is a core value of mine. Breakage is an unavoidable part of transformation. When a seed becomes a plant, it is completely transformed. It must be completely broken to become something new. When a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, it is completely undone. The butterfly can't exist unless the caterpillar gives itself up wholeheartedly to the process. If I am going to grow, to change to become all I am intended to be...there will be breakage.

Perfect and unblemished is not the only kind of beauty. In fact, it's not the most important kind of beauty.

Do not be afraid of being broken. No one is beyond repair.

No one.

Broken is a pathway to growth and transformation.

What if you weren't afraid of broken things?

How would you experience life differently?
How would you experience people differently? Those you know and those you don't?
How would you experience yourself differently?

Episode Artwork

The art this week is a visual fusion of Kintsugi and the sashiko stitching of boro (I didn't talk about that in this post, maybe next time). Sometimes in pottery repair, another piece is added to substitute a missing segment. Sometimes, we need the same. The paper has been stitched together and has the gold threading of Kintsugi repair. I loved this piece of blue paper. I made it about two years ago and I've never torn into it. But, now...I love it more. Much more. It's more beautiful for the breaking and healing. Not the same as it was, certainly. But, more beautiful.

If this episode or art has spoken to you and you'd like a copy of this print, you can find it here.

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Coffee Talk Worksheet and iPhone Lock screen

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