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The What If Experience

Explore a new "What If..." question about life each week with some thoughts, some answers and some action steps. Share my journey of personal growth and living in possibility.
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Apr 9, 2017

My son, Cody, and I went on our very first official Boy Scout camping trip last weekend. After waffling for a few months, he decided early this year that he wants to become an Eagle Scout, so it's onward from Cub Scouts for us. This is a whole new ballgame and I think it's going to be really good for him. I got to make a big deal of getting him his first very own solo tent (a rite of passage in our family) and the boys planned, cooked and cleaned up all their meals, fished, hiked, learned how to swing an ax and generally had a great time. And for me, it was really, really good to get 48 hours outdoors, even with the chaos of 20 some boys around.

While I loved getting the outdoors time and it was fun to hike, cook with the adults and watch my son wield a very sharp implement over his head, I think what really strikes me most about the weekend is the extraordinary effort of volunteer leadership. I watched two men pour time, energy, effort, care and patience into my son and the other boys all weekend. Their own sons were there, but they were generally taking time away from their families to instill skills, values and offer experiences to my son that he probably would not have otherwise.

In the group of 8 boys that just came into the troop, there are a few challenging kids and while the scoutmasters require explicit standards of behavior, attention and safety, they were also remarkably patient, kind and encouraging to the new boys. Days later, I'm still awed by their care and effort on behalf of my son and the others. They meet with the scouts three Mondays a month and with an oversight committee on the fourth Monday. They camp one weekend a month as a troop, do a week of summer camp with the kids and have other events and trips throughout the year. That's a lot of time invested.

And I believe that it's one of the most important things you can do with your time.

I talked a lot about my Destination Imagination coaching experience over the last month or so. I've poured a ton of time into those seven kids since last Christmas, and it's one of the most valuable things I've done this year. Certainly not the easiest or least frustrating, but definitely one of the most valuable.

When I think back over the first quarter of this year and how I've spent my time (see that? That's part of the personal review I said I'd do! Look at me actually doing my goals! Yay me!), the most valuable hours have been spent contributing to the lives of other people. My family, the DI team, volunteering at my church and my local food bank. A lot of other things have been fun and worthwhile, but the time spent investing in other people, that's the time that really means something. Those are the moments that make a lasting difference, because people are an eternal investment.

[Tweet "People are an eternal investment."]

How much do you invest in people? In your family? Family is a tricky one because our families automatically take up a lot of our time. But are you really present? Are you intentional? Do you invest time in friends? Strangers? Community members? Neighbors? Children? There are countless options to be investing in others...Boy Scouts and DI teams are two of thousands of ways. And It doesn't need to be that emotionally or time intensive either. What does it look like for you? When we talk about people, there are no investments too small. There's an anonymous quote that says, "Never get tired of doing little things for others. Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts."

I remember being a young stepmom in the 1990's. My husband's 7 year old and 12 year old boys moved in with us on my 25th birthday. These were not easy kids. There were a lot of tough situations. I remember saying often that I skipped the easy stuff like diapers and sleepless nights and went straight to puberty and sleepless nights!

There was one Mother's Day that was particularly difficult. No one in the family wished me Happy Mother's Day. Despite wishing their Grandmother and their mom a good holiday in front of me, I got not a bit of recognition all day long. That was hurtful, but I was also really grieved that they weren't experiencing and expressing gratitude. They lived with me. I was their functional mom for most of the time. As the day went on, I got more upset. At some point in the late afternoon I sat down and really thought about why I was angry.

When I processed it, I realized that my motivations were way off. It really didn't matter if they recognized my efforts. I didn't need the recognition. I was pouring into them because it was the right thing to do, because I cared for them and because it was a service I was meant to perform. I wasn't doing it for a pat on the back. Yes, they absolutely should have said thank you. But, my attitude was and is completely independent of their response. That realization was a big deal for me, it shifted my serving them from being a trade to being a gift.

[Tweet "Serving others is a gift, not a trade."]

Erin Davis, from the Lies Young Women Believe blog says service is finding practical ways to show other people they matter. It’s like saying, “Hey! You’re important, and I want to prove it to you.” But, she also says this:

That’s something that sounds great in theory, but isn’t always so appealing in real time. True service requires sacrifice. We must sacrifice our abilities for the good of others, not just ourselves. We must sacrifice our talents to invest in others, not just to make ourselves look good. We must sacrifice our time, something that is always in short supply. And here’s the kicker: to truly serve...we must do it with zero promise of a personal pay off. There’s no guarantee that the people we serve will return the favor or even notice our efforts. We are called to serve others anyway.

Episode Artwork

The cover art this week is about intersecting relationships, about taking our patchwork hearts and interacting with others in associations of all kinds. Some connections are glancing and some deep, but no matter how deep the connections go, serving others and being in relationship changes us as much as it affects those we give to.

Henry Drummond said, "I shall pass through this world but once. Any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

What if you invest in people? How would your life be different? In an article about volunteering on Huffington Post, Kathy Gottberg says, "it is practically impossible to create a happy, meaningful and rewarding life without being of service to others in some way."

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